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Coping With Infertility

1.      Become informed-Learn as much as you can about the disease of infertility.

2.      Ignorance is not bliss!-Both partners, please visit your doctor for a full infertility work-up after at 6 to 12 months of unprotected sex. (Some experts recommend 3 months, though I personally think that’s overkill.)

3.      Understand that it is not your fault. While some infertility is the result of an STD, the majority of infertility cases fall beyond the scope of our control.  Neither you nor your partner is to blame for low sperm counts, endometriosis, incompetent cervixes, or the myriad other causes of infertility. And even if you were, which is not likely, who benefits from the blame game.

4.      Recognize there is more than one way to obtain a sperm sample. Discuss all the options with your healthcare provider.

5.      You and your partner may not be on the same page at the same time, and that’s okay.  Although as much as possible work together, being patient, prayerful and understanding.

6.      Don’t give up your life!  Set limits and time frames for treatment. Take breaks as needed, and determine together how much you are willing to spend. Be realistic about your expectations regarding infertility procedures.*

7.      Get and stay fit, especially if you are considering using advanced reproductive technology (ART) procedures. The process is stressful and regular exercise will help to alleviate that stress.

8.      Consider all your options, including surrogacy, adoption, etc.  It doesn’t mean you have to exercise them, nor does it mean you are giving up.

9.      Seek to develop a closer relationship with God.  It doesn’t matter what your religious affiliation is, studies have proven that those who believe in God, pray, and attend religious services have reduced stress as well as a stronger sense of purpose and self-worth.

10.  If there is a support group near you, attend it.  Especially if it is associated with your religious denomination.  That support will do wonders for your personal outlook.

11.  Know that’s its okay to avoid stressful situations.  If you are uncomfortable attending baby related events, simply send a gift with a note of congratulations.   Family gatherings got you down, forgo them, send a thank you note for the invite and do something fun as a couple instead.  Please note, that avoidance is not deliverance, so don’t make a habit of staying away, because you need the strength family and friends can provide.

12.  Silence is golden. Guess what, you don’t have to answer every ridiculous question nor do you have to respond to unwelcome comments. Sometimes silence can speak volumes.

13.  Finally, take care of yourself and each other.  This is a very stressful situation and many couples don’t survive, even after the infertility is treated.  But you can.  Pursue other interest as a couple, encourage one another’s dreams. Goals, and aspirations.

See more coping skills at: www.mayoclinic.com